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Gay Knowlegeable Youth

I’m 16 and gay. I recently got into an argument with my parents over whether HIV is spread by saliva or if you can be infected during oral sex. I thought that you were safe kissing and that it’s okay to have oral sex, but that you need to use condoms for anal sex. My parents disagree and I found mixed answers searching online. I trust you, though—what do you say?
— Good Gay Boy

You trust me, GGB, but your parents probably wouldn’t. And the whole point of this exchange is getting you the info/ammo you need to set your parents at ease/shoot down their arguments, right? So I’m going to step aside and let some HIV prevention pros have a crack at your questions. Think of this column as a sex–ed gangbang I’ve arranged just for you—but, um, don’t describe it to your parents that way.
“To be exposed to HIV, you would have to come in contact with someone who is HIV–positive and a fluid—semen, vaginal secretions, blood—that can transmit HIV,” says Krishna Stone, assistant director of community relations at Gay Men’s Health Crisis in New York City. “And there would also need to be a point of entry—unprotected vaginal or anal sex without condoms,” that would bring the virus into contact with mucous membranes that could absorb it.
Stone makes a great point: You can’t be exposed to HIV unless you’re having sex with someone who has HIV. The AIDS virus isn’t fire and gay men aren’t twigs; it doesn’t matter how vigorously you rub us against each other, we’re not going to suddenly burst into HIV. If you’re having sex—safe sex—with someone who’s HIV–negative like you, GGB, you have nothing to worry about on the HIV front. Well, except for your boyfriend’s truthfulness and any changes to his HIV status since his last test—which is why you should be having safe sex regardless, even if you think you’re both negative.
But let’s say you’re not with just one guy. Let’s say you’re running around having sex—safe sex—with random guys (not that I’m saying you should). Some of these guys are likely to be HIV–positive. So are you at risk of contracting HIV when you kiss poz guys?

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